i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
