I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
