Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
