im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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