JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
