Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
