if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
