Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
two words...techno handjob
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
