swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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