so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
