Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
