Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
