Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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