So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
