A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
