brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yo dont text me then not text me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
