Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
