i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
