Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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