Yo dont text me then not text me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
