before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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