rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
