so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
