The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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