a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
