He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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