Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
