Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
