While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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