Can Purell be used as lube?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
