Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just blew my weed a kiss
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
