it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
