I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
