Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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