You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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