she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
