I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
