Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
thus making me awesome and them whores
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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