So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
