Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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