That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
