Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
