So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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