oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
