I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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