there's paper in my vomit.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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