HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
