I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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