I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
