My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
