Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
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