My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
