omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
